It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
