I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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