he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
