He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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