WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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