I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
