I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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