Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
