Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
