fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
