It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
