We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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