I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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