she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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