And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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