Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this just has baby written all over it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
