Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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