Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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