Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
