No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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