Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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