She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
