Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
why do cheetos always look like penises
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
