Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
