I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
