Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
