Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
