Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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