she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
