This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
