at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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