so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
