I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
