My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
