I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
