Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
