tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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