I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
