I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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