carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?