At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
