the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
