is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
