addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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