I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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