I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
