Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
