M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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