I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
