Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
