just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
