I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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