Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
