I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
