After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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