So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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