Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
