i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
