fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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