Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
