I feel like abortions should bother me more
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
