after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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