glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
