what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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