If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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